My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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