I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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