I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
