i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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