Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
