Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
