Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
