...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
