i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
