Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
