FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
