I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
