I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
