and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
