tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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