so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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