upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
