apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
