Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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