How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
