Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
