ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
