I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Houston, we have a blender
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I deserve this hangover.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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