Umm I'm too high to move.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
