I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
