one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize