Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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