you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
