Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
