I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
