mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
