You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
