I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
