u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
