Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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