i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize