I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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