she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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