dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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