Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
