mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I enjoy the company of your penis
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