you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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