smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
