does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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