Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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