Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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