sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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