where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
