fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
