It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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