u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it because I queefed?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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