im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
