6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
