If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I need to stop coming to work sober
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
