Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
