She is in my trunk
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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