my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
