dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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