are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
