getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
