when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
