we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
