i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
