im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
