Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
