Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
